i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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