Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
