i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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