oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
