What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
