youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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