Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
