I am spending my child support on dildos
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
