i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
