i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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