Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
