Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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