literally had 100 drinks last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
