dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
