So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
