mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
