and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
