yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
