Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
