swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
