Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize