I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
