Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
