dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
