I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
