I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
