Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
