I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
