can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
