I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
