just tell him i said nine months
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
