You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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