Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
