Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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