If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
