I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
