I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
