i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I CAN MOONWALK!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
