oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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