um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, beer. Big fan.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
