conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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