Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
