Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I lost the right to judge tonight
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
