I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
