good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
