dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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