Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
