I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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