just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
