Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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