This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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