i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
