plz talk dirty to me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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