You smell like stripper and shame
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
