at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
