I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
