i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
