The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
