does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
