fuck your aforementioned shoe
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
