I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
