Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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