Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
