I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
