I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
