haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
