Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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