Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
