I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
