I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dear god my vagina.
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