she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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