When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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