She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
