member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
