If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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