Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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