I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
