what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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