i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
