From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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