We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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