So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
