What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
