I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
