doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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