We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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