my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
