At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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