he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Two words: nipple clamps
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