I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize