A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
